By Ella Karlin
INT. CAR- DAY
A family of four is sitting in
their minivan, the mother, Helen,
in the driver's seat, her husband
Mark in the passenger seat, and her
two kids in the back.
NARRATOR
Ever wanted to read your messages while driving but don’t want to risk the safety of your family by looking down at your phone? Well now you can, with Siri for the car! She will read your messages out loud to you so you can keep your eyes on the road. Just watch how Helen does it!
SIRI
You have 8 new messages from “Ladies of the 80’s”. Would you like me to read them?
HELEN
Yes.
SIRI
Okay. Melissa C, Katie’s mom said “Hey girls! Fun night last night! How are we feeling?” Anne S Dan’s wife said “Not too good, feels like I got trampled by a tribe of wildebeests.” Would you like me to keep going?
HELEN
No, Siri, you know what that’s enough, actually. STOP.
SIRI
Okay, I’ll keep going. Melissa C, Katie’s mom said “Helen how are you feeling? Can’t imagine what you're going through. I mean, you rode that alligator through a Target. In our defense, we had had so many drinks by then we thought it was a man! Remember when we all cried together because you hate your kids and think they’re assholes? Oh, we have fun! And then we got you on an online dating site strictly for fishermen and tried to get you divorced from Mark! We should really get together more often!” Would you like to respond?
HELEN
(VISIBLY ANNOYED)
Siri, STOP READING. STOP. THAT’S ENOUGH!
SIRI
Anne S Dan’s wife said “Remember when we hired that midget to kill Marsha but then got worried that the police would find out and we wouldn’t be able to be a part of the PTO anymore? Hahaha. We are such chickens. On another note, can’t believe Marsha died.She was so young. Makes you think about the important things in life.”
FADE OUT: EXT. CAR ON HIGHWAY- DAY
HELEN
Siri, STOP. NOW.
NARRATOR
Siri for the car, she’ll read all your messages out loud and won’t listen when you tell her to stop.
(VERY FAST)
Only available in soccer mom minivans.