SOUTH DAKOTA DECIDES TO SECEDE FROM UNION: NORTH DAKOTA DOESN’T F*CKING KNOW WHAT TO DO

Updated: Jun 25

By Benji Elkins:


In a surprising turn of events, South Dakota has decided to secede from the United States of America due to a recent federal law looking to replace their primary method of transportation, the horse, with automobiles. As a result, however, adjacent state North Dakota now doesn’t know what the fuck it is supposed to do. When pressed for comment, North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum (R) stated, “If South Dakota leaves then what will we be? Dakota? We can’t still be North Dakota right? I mean it would be weird. Right? I guess we’ll just have to be Dakota.” Unfortunately, when The Milking Cat reporters let the governor know that South Dakota was planning on assuming the name of “Dakota” for their new nation, Burgum was stumped. At press time, the state government of North Dakota agreed to change the state’s name to Northwest Minnesota.

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