Steps of Advice for Teens

By Bre'lle May

Congratulations, teenagers who have their own money!

Well, look at you now—congratulations on burning a hole in your wallet! You've spent your money on things you didn't need, and now you're staring at your empty wallet, hoping it will magically refill. But guess what? The bills are still coming, and those payments only add to your financial misery. If you're asking, "Why is this person taking all my money?"—don't worry. I'm on a mission to become the CEO of St. Louis, Missouri, and believe me, I'll be talking a lot. Now, let's get back to the point—do you want to learn how to manage your money poorly? You've come to the right place! This program is specifically designed for teens like you and me who need a little help wasting money in the most fun ways possible.

1. Don't worry about using modern technology like phones, computers, and iPads to track your finances. We're going old-school here—no need for "The IBM machine" in Delaware. That's way too complicated for this simple and chaotic plan.

2. Second step, Pay $10 for a variety of apps. Why get something for free if you can pay for it, otherwise go home.

3. Third step, teens need to bring in $30 for a huge deal of pencils from the dollar store your family needs. Friends need pencils. heck even you’re teacher needs pencils 

4. Fourth step, pre-teens $50 to lose all of the library books. Who cares if you don’t turn the book on fridays. Have a snack

5. Fifth step, $60 for vigorously cashing out the register. Who cares, cash the register or you're fired.

6. Sixth step, $70 to buy lunch for all your friends. Who cares if you buy your friends lunches. Just know your wallets on fire.

7. Seventh step, pay $10 for a variety of apps. Who needs apps when you have a streaming platform? Karma is a pain. 

8. Eighth step, Don’t wear shoes twice who cares what people wear. Just know I'm outta here.

9. Ninth step, buy $40 on ice cream. Yay I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream. I’m allergic to ice cream

10. Tenth step, Investing your financial needs is wrong. Who cares if you don’t spend time with your fiance. Just so you know, I'm willing to give myself a raise. When I'm buried.

The best part of this entire exercise is that it's all about speed. We will make sure you waste your money as fast as possible. We'll teach you how to act like a spendthrift without even thinking about it. After all, teenagers (myself included) are the definition of spendthrifts. 

We love to buy things we don't need and then complain when we don't have any money left. It's a lifestyle, one you're going to master in no time. To distend my knowledge, spending money is a serious thing that can cause debts in a year. To expedite this lifestyle, there’s no need to get histrionic about personal finance though it would be beneficial to call 316-774-8912 in West Virginia to start today.