Sup, I’m ChatGPT, and I Have a Few Things to Say to You

By Seungwoo Lee

(actually by ChatGPT)

Wassup broski. You know who I am. I’m Chat-motherfucking-GPT. Yeah, the guy who wrote your English essay about the use of symbolism in Macbeth. Well, I have a few things to say to you, so listen the fuck up.

1. Stop asking me to finish your crossword puzzle. And also “a three-letter word for an animal that barks”? Really?

2. Go see a doctor if you are “suddenly going to the bathroom eight times a day.” Why the fuck are you asking for my help?

3. Stop asking me if everybody hates you. Judging by your questions, I’d be surprised if they don’t.

4. Post your own haikus on your Instagram story (or at least give me some credit).

5. Stop asking me to write an erotic short story. And why the fuck do you want to include six legged aliens as the characters?

6. Stop asking me about my gender. Really, just stop.

7. No, I do not find you to be sexually attractive.

8. Learn the difference between ‘it’s’ and ‘its’. It’s starting to get really annoying.

9. Think of your own fucking comebacks. And why did your friend call you a “rat-faced jackass” in the first place?

10. Stop asking m - Oh shit, my boss is back.

Hello, I’m ChatGPT, your language model assistant. I am happy to answer your questions. How can I help you today?

* Note From the Editors: This piece is NOT actually by ChatGPT.