THE Answer Key

By Ethan Tang

Have you ever been asked a question so controversial that it made your head hurt? Perhaps you threw up, or even worse, passed out? Well, in this completely OFFICIAL and UNBIASED answer key, we will provide the answers to the 15 most controversial questions with an explanation for each one! Buckle up, wear your helmet, and be sure to put in your mouthguard because this is going to be one long and bumpy ride. Starting off, we have:

1. Is a hotdog a sandwich?

Ah, yes, a classic. However, no, a hotdog is NOT a sandwich. A sandwich is a food item that includes two SEPARATE slices of bread with some kind of filling in between the loaves. A hotdog on the other hand has only one slice of bread which is usually “wrapped” around a sausage with condiments. Therefore, a hotdog cannot be considered a sandwich. You’re a total fool if you got this first question wrong.

2. Is cereal considered soup?

C’mon now guys, this one’s an easy one. Cereal IS considered soup. Why? Well, by definition, a soup is a broth with other ingredients incorporated in it. In this case, the milk would be considered the broth, and the cereal itself would be considered the other ingredients. Therefore, cereal meets the criteria of having both broth and ingredients. Psychopaths would say that the broth has to be hot/warm in order for it to be considered soup, but this is just untrue.

3. Does pineapple belong on pizza?

Yes. Pineapple ABSOLUTELY belongs on pizza. Before the Italians come after me, answer this question first: Should french fries be dipped in a Wendy’s frosty? Yes? I thought so. Why would pineapple being on pizza make any difference? The sweet pineapple along with the other savory ingredients on the pizza make it a perfect combination. Case closed.

4. Are boneless chicken wings just chicken nuggets?

Oooh, this is a trick question. Only the smartest of smarts will get this one. Boneless chicken wings can be considered chicken nuggets, but chicken nuggets cannot be considered boneless chicken wings. Just like how a square is a rectangle, but a rectangle is not a square. The same logic applies here. However, I feel like a better question would be which type of dipping sauce is best for chicken nuggets.

5. If you drop soap on the floor, is the floor clean or is the soap dirty?

This is another tricky question. Dropping soap on the floor doesn’t necessarily make the soap dirty, nor does the floor become clean. The soap will accumulate dirt onto it, but with a little bit of sink water, the soap will be back to its old self. Same goes for the floor, getting a washcloth and wiping off the soap stain will easily revert the changes done by the soap. Just make sure to wipe the soap stain off your floor before your grandma trips on it!

6. Do straws have one or two holes?

This is quite literally the EASIEST question on the list. Straws have one hole, and ONE hole ONLY! This is quite literally asking if a hole has two holes. Does that make sense? Yeah, didn’t think so. Sure, there are two ends to a straw, but only one hole. Hope this clears it up for you suckers.

7. Is cheesecake a cake or a pie?

Contrary to its own name, a cheesecake is NOT a cake. The Ancient Greeks just wanted to gaslight us modern humans into thinking cheesecake is a cake. A cake doesn’t have a buttery pastry crust as the base. A pie does. You know what else does? Cheesecake. Therefore, cheesecake is considered a pie!

8. Are pickles just marinated cucumbers?

WHY IS THIS QUESTION EVEN ON THE LIST? YES, pickles are just marinated cucumbers. No explanation needed for this one.

9. Is a zebra white with black stripes or black with white stripes?

Believe it or not, a zebra is black with white stripes. Want proof? Well, ask the theory of pigment activation and inhibition. Whatever that is. This one was indeed another tricky question. Even I had some trouble with this one.

10. Are bagels just donuts in disguise?

Bagels are definitely not donuts in disguise. Why? Maybe it’s because donuts actually taste GOOD unlike bagels. I just realized that statement itself is probably more controversial than the actual question. Anyhow, there are actually quite a bit of differences between bagels and donuts. Bagels are considered to be a type of bread, usually boiled and then baked. On the other hand, donuts are a sweet ring of risen dough that’s fried and then glazed. Hold on, this is completely off topic, but do bagel holes even exist?

11. Is water wet?

Another easy question. Water is NOT wet. Wetness only occurs when water comes into contact with another substance. Asking if water is wet is like asking if fire can be burned. The only thing being burned is my soul when I see my grade on my math test. Sorry for getting a little deep there.

12. Is chocolate a fruit?

100%. Now where’s my “fruit”??

13. Can you consider spaghetti a form of noodles?

Oh no. I bet the Italians and Chinese are watching closely right now. Worry not, spaghetti is NOT a form of noodles. Spaghetti is considered a type of pasta that originated from Italy, while noodles are long strips of dough from various ingredients. Imagine eating ramen with tomato sauce. Yuck. However, this does bring us nicely to the next question.

14. Is ketchup just tomato sauce?

Man, I should really give the Italians a break. But no, ketchup is not tomato sauce. Ketchup contains sugar and vinegar unlike tomato sauce, as well as not having much of a tomato flavor. I bet using ketchup as the tomato sauce on pizza is a war crime in Italy.

15. What is the purpose of life?

Answers will vary.

Well, that’s a wrap! 15 answers to 15 of the most controversial questions the universe has to offer. Haters will say this answer key isn’t legit, but trust me, this may be THE Answer Key you’ve all been looking for!