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The Diary Entry of a Common Deer

By Ariana White:

Deer Diary,

Haha, get it? Today was uneventful. I spent most of my day trying to maneuver through my neighbor’s deer resistant shrubs to get to the good stuff like arborvitae and other narrow-leaved evergreens that bolster my appetite. My brothers and sisters were feeling somewhat reclusive today so they didn’t accompany me on my mid-day adventure but I needed a little “me time” anyway. While roaming through the streets of suburbia, I often brush the feathers of death as vehicles, ranging from Corolla Hatchbacks to Nissan Altimas, swerve out of my way and into oncoming traffic in an effort to avoid killing an innocent animal (It’s me. I’m the innocent animal). It’s not my fault that I often find myself across the street from places I need to be and foliage I need to eat. It is in those moments that I am reminded to never take things for granted, like my family of thirty-two.

Sadly, I am still battling fleas and ticks. They seem to think I’m especially tasty. Too bad my next-door neighbors have a three-year-old son who rummages around their backyard often directly in the spots where I have my afternoon sunbathing sessions. Lyme disease can be lethal and lead to arthritis and other nervous system problems… but that’s not my problem!

On a more important note, my stool has been especially loose these past couple of days and I can’t seem to figure out the source of the problem. My sister thinks it’s because I keep eating the grass behind the gas station, but what does she know? Overall, today and the last couple of weeks have been pretty chill – only I can’t seem to figure out why humans wear masks all the sudden and only cough in the privacy of their homes. Thanks for being there for me!




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