By Siona Kirschner
As I have most likely previously discussed, my true number one goal in life is to come off as quirky and unique. I also derive shocking amounts of joy from arguing over inconsequential topics over which I have confidence no one will actually get mad at me. Below, I have put some of my opinions that most effectively accomplish these goals when brought up.
I hate avocados. Truly, I despise them. It’s to the point that I truly cannot understand the joy anyone, especially my fellow Californians, derives from eating the mushy green alleged “fruit” (if beautiful, scrumptious tomatoes are legally a vegetable, avocados have no right claiming this title). My sincerest wish is that everyone suddenly sees avocado the way I do. It’s an incredibly isolating experience to be the only person to understand such a clear truth. I’m exhausted.
I believe that procrastination is a beacon of human progress and abilities. I have literally written an entire piece on this (it may or may not be published before this one, but it will be eventually), if you want more details on why I feel this way. I guarantee you that you’ll be convinced and inspired to procrastinate like never before.
I just do not believe that people actively enjoy regular oat milk lattes. It’s not that I hate them, I just fail to accept claims that it’s not majoritively about the aesthetic. Oat milk either tastes exactly like cow/almond milk or it distinguishes itself by leaving behind the faintest taste of egg for reasons scientists have yet to be able to explain. Either way, you have no business trying to tell me that this is your favorite form of coffee.
I’m 90% more likely to read an article if it’s in list form. I’m aware that this may come off as unintellectual, but it’s just the truth. I say this because I just took a phone break, opened an article that looked dumb and entertaining, and closed it when I realized it was not a list. If I’m reading actual news, sure, but if it’s something I’m clearly reading for funsies I would like for it to be presented in an easily digested list. Anyway, you’re welcome for how I format the vast majority of my articles. I promise I am not trying to trick you to read them, I am just making it more convenient. I am truly for the people.
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