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The Pedestrian Jog

By Dick Ellis:

Pedestrians have the right of way. Everybody knows that. Pedestrians know it. Drivers know it. Drivers will wait in front of a crosswalk for the pedestrian to cross. And pedestrians are so nice, so kind to the driver, so understanding. The pedestrian knows that the driver is in a rush: late to pick up his kid, on their way to a zumba class, rushing to take their severely bleeding, sickly dear mother to the emergency hospital before she takes her final dying breath.

And how does the pedestrian show their sympathy? Their arms come up and elbows swing back and forth - they pretend to jog! They don’t actually jog. But they are nice and they pretend. The pedestrian's legs don’t move any faster, their pace does not quicken, but somehow this upper body motion is supposed to show the waiting driver that they are indeed hustling. The pedestrian is on the driver’s side, they’re a team player ready to step it up to assist the driver with their hectic schedule.

To that, I say, “no thank you.” I will not take your pedestrian pity. It’s like smiling and spitting in someone’s face at the same time. You can’t just put on a polite facade and not actually do anything. Go be pretend-polite on your own time. Leave me alone. Don’t do me any pretend favors. Basically, thanks for nothing, pedestrians.


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