By Ariana White:
My teacher told me the other day that I was “shit” at math and needed to go back to the 6th grade to relearn algebra, and then I told him that he should probably go back to his house because his wife was cheating on him with his boss. It’s amazing how speech plays such a big role in society. From the beginning of human existence we have used vocal expression to interact with each other. For example, crying. When babies are born they immediately start crying, indicating to their mothers that they’re hungry, tired, or took an enormous green shit and have been sitting in it for 6 hours. These random sounds eventually found meaning and dialects were formed. As humans have evolved, we have created a variety of distant languages, the most popular ones being English, Spanish, French, and Simlish. Words such as “pedophile” and “vehicular manslaughter” were created for people to understand each other's intent. We see language used in a variety of contexts. From cursing out the guy who cut you off on the highway to giving a speech at your high school graduation, language is an integral part of human existence (Here, think back to your own existence. Would you exist today had it not been for the “You like that baby?” of your father or the “Harder, keep it coming!” from your mother?).
But you can’t speak if you're dead.
And that’s what Juul can do to you. You must think you look so cool puffing a puff and smoking a smoke but inside your lungs are crying for help, “Please stop smoking we can’t handle this. It burns! It buuuurrrrnnnnssss!” Not only are Juuls curated for child consumption much like cavity-inducing candy and R rated movies, but they are filled with horrible chemicals that all sound like what my mother snorts when she’s anxious. You and “the boys” can hang out in your dad’s garage, playing rock music and watching group porn without simultaneously damaging your precious lungs. In conclusion, if you want to be alive to tell your mother you love her and your Meredith Blake-esque step-mom you hate her, quit Juul and try weed instead.