By Ariana White:
Step 1: Sit and Wait
This step is personally my least favorite part of the satirical writing process. You sit at your desk, kitchen counter, or on your bed and wait for the Idea Fairy, Bob, to punch you in the face with the inspiration that leads to a piece longer than two sentences long. This step can take anywhere from 1 minute to 6 hours to complete and it is quite laborious sitting around on edge waiting to be mentally assaulted.
Step 2: Second Guessing
Even after you get an idea, sometimes it’s not the right one. You start writing and after the first two sentences, you start wondering if you were ever funny in the first place. Maybe your mom was lying to you when she lol’d the last article you sent her. Maybe you should just quit altogether and find a new passion that pays a little better. After this, you're most likely going to have to start Step 1 all over again until you feel a little better about yourself.
Step 3: Sweet Relief
After teetering between Step 1 and Step 2 for hours and maybe even days, you experience an “aha moment” where the clouds have parted and the tears on your cheeks have dried. An idea has come to you and you are able to write something at least tasteful, if not slightly funny. This is the best part of the writing process, hands down, as the stress caused by Steps 1 and 2 has vanished and you’ve found the will to live again. The words are flowing out of you and you basically write the whole article in 10 minutes. You should feel proud and relieved that you are so close to finishing!
Step 4: Psych!
By now you have probably written a couple of paragraphs. You have the basis of your topic figured out and you know how you’re going to, eventually, make it knee-slappingly funny. But as you near the end of the article you get stuck. The words that were, at some point, flowing through your head no longer make sense and you stare at your computer screen as if you have completely forgotten the English language. This is the time to take a break. Eat some food, take a shower, do your taxes, and then, at 12 a.m., the day it’s due, finish the article.
Step 5: What is Editing?
After your break from writing, hopefully, you return and finish the article. If not, there’s no hope and you should probably just quit while you’re at it. But if you have actually finished, then YAY you’re done! Make sure you read it only once, or even less, before you upload.
Step 6: Send it!
Copy and paste, download as a pdf, or if you’re lame, save that Word document and upload your amazing article. Give yourself a pat on the back, you did it!