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Transcript: Kim Jong Un’s Emergency Room

By Kellen Narke:

The following transcript was secured through a CIA operative in Japan. Notes added for clarity.

Audible background struggling

UNKNOWN VOICE: He won't fit through the door!

Laughter is heard, the audio then briefly cuts out

GENERAL: Doctor, make the Supreme Leader well.

The doctor is audibly nervous

DOCTOR: I-I’ve never operated on someone overweight before!

GENERAL: The Supreme Leader is a slim 150 pounds, you should have no trouble with that.

DOCTOR: Ok, ok. Please help me remove his clothes.

Audible struggling

GENERAL: We need reinforcements!

The sound of boots on the floor is heard, finally, they are successful

NURSE: gasps The rumors are true!

A shot rings out, a body falls to the ground

GENERAL: She should not have acknowledged that.

DOCTOR: He appears to be brain dead…

GENERAL: Nonsense! The Supreme Leader is immort-

The door opens and footsteps can be heard

KIM’S SISTER: How is my brother? I came as soon as I heard the news.

GENERAL: The doctor says he is brain dead, the Supreme Leader is so strong, his body will never die!

KIM’S SISTER: Begins crying He doesn’t deserve to suffer! He’s been in constant pain ever since- her crying overtakes what she is saying

DOCTOR: Ever since what?

KIM’S SISTER: Ever since Trump called him Rocketman!

GENERAL: Disgusting imperialist…

KIM’S SISTER: How many missiles do we have?

GENERAL: 2 attached to the Supreme Leader’s car, 7 at military bases, and 28 at the bottom of the ocean.

KIM’S SISTER: Prepare them all, I must get my revenge

Audio cuts out


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