By Benji Elkins:
INT. WILLY'S SET
The spotlights swirl and land on WACKY WILLY THE SOCK PUPPET who is in front of the camera. He is a gray Adidas sock who is young, handsome, and keeps himself in great shape. He has googly eyes.
WILLY
Hello boys and girls, parents and grandparents, I’m Waaaaaacky Willy, everybody’s favorite Sock Puppet Television Host of Northeastern Vermont.
WACKY WILLY breaks into a wacky sock jig.
WILLY (CONT'D)
And of course, my sock puppet friends and sidekicks, Goofy Gabriel and Shoooeless Sam!
SHOELESS SAM and GOOFY GABRIEL enter the jig. Soon the three slowly calm down.
WILLY (CONT'D)
Alright kids, in the last episode we learned about the alphabet, the numbers, and the civil rights movement. Can anyone tell me about the civil rights movement?
Young Sheila Sock raises her hand. She wears a small bow on top of her cotton head.
SHEILA SOCK
Me, me, me!
WILLY
Yes, Sheila Sock!
CAMERA ZOOMS IN ON SHEILA
SHEILA
We learned that the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther Sock Jr. stood up in a time of badness to do good, and make sure ALL people are treated equal.
WILLY
That is entirely right, Sheila. Friends, it is important that we remember Martin Luther Sock’s vision and treat everyone with respect. It is our responsibility to judge people not by the color of their skin...
EVERYONE TOGETHER
but by the content of their characte--
A BANG is heard and loud rustling, a COMMOTION in the background. WILLY looks
concerned.
CREW MEMBER
No, no, Gary you can’t come back here! Gary. Gary!
GARY THE HAND GLOVE walks on stage. He has a googly eye for each finger sleeve.
GARY
Hellooooooo broooother!
WILLY
Gary! What the fuck are you doing here?
GARY
I’m here to paaarty! You always said you would show me around the studio.
WILLY
Get off the fucking stage Gary. Get off!
GARY
But Will...
WILLY
You’re a disgrace! You’re poisoning children's minds! Get off, no one wants to fucking look at you! You're on air!
GARY
Come on Willy, Mom said you would be nice this time. She said you would accept me.
WILLY
Look at you, Gary. You’re a fucking accident. Mom dropped you as a baby. You’re fucked up, you have five fucking eyes and one weird large torso. You’re scaring the children. You're a monster.
GARY falls silent.
WILLY (CONT'D)
What would ever make you think that you could be on stage with us, Gary? We’re normal, we’re pure socks. Hanes, Ralph Lauren, Nike, me: a pair of Adidas. The fact that you think a glove like you could ever be like us socks and then be on air is pure idiocy, Gary.
GARY
But mom said it's not my fault. Mom said...
WILLY
Get off Gary! Get the fuck off! Someone take this mitten out of here.
GARY
What did you just call me?!
WILLY
You heard me... mitten
GARY
How dare you call me that. Don’t you know how sharp that word stings, Willy?! Especially from you?!
WILLY
Yeah yeah “historical significance of the word” blah blah, what are you gonna do about it, all you filthy mittens are the same. Now get your grubby mitten fingers out. This is now a socks-only studio.
Sock security escorts Gary out of the studio. Willy looks around in anger, then composes himself upon realizing the camera is still rolling.
WILLY
Alright... phew. Okay... sorry kids, parents, watchers. But this was a valuable lesson, boys and girls. It’s important to know who you all are, who we all are: we're sock puppets, and it’s important to remember that socks and gloves don’t mix. We must preserve sock lineage, and whether a glove be a friend, or a brother, it is important to remember they are simply that: a filthy mitten. Anyways, today we will be learning about Adolph Sockler and his glorious rise to power.
CUT TO BLACK
NEWSPAPER ARTICLES APPEAR ON CAMERA, THEY READ:
CHILDREN'S TV HOST WACKY WILLY USES M-WORD LIVE ON AIR
WACKY WILLY COMES OUT AS GRANDMASTER OF KU SOX KLAN
WACKY WILLY'S BATTLE WITH DETERGENT ADDICTION CULMINATES IN GLOVEIST RANT
END