What Everyone In The Waiting Room You’re In Is Currently Thinking:

By Nina Patel:


The girl in the corner whose shoes you want to compliment but never will for fear of being the first person ever to speak in a waiting room:

Why the hell did I wear six inch heels to the doctor’s office? What is wrong with me? I’m not even standing and my feet hurt. I’m gonna need a gurney to get me from the waiting room to the doctor’s office.


The guy across the room with noise canceling headphones and hair that looks like the old t-shirts you used to tie-dye in summer camp before you had any understanding of color theory:

God, I love Taylor Swift––I mean My Chemical Romance.


The single dad with the baby who won’t stop crying:

Welcome to my world.


The mom who agreed to let her kid play a game on her phone so he’d shut up:

Shit, I wanted to play Candy Crush. Now what am I supposed to do with myself?


The kid:

Ha! Sucker.


The old woman with the giant luxury stroller that looks like it cost way too much money:

I hope no one realizes I’ve got a cat in here.


The old man who’s been periodically giving death stares to every teenager in the room:

These darn kids, always staring at their technology. Why won’t anyone meet my eyes? Back in my day you made intense eye contact with the person across from you until one of you either blinked, fainted, or burst into flames.


The girl to your left who you think you vaguely recognize from somewhere but can’t quite place: Why does this idiot keep staring at me? Oh shit, that’s that girl from high school. Damn, she did not age well.


The person who’s been reading a book on philosophy but hasn’t turned the page in ten minutes:

Why do you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?


The nurse who’s been standing in the doorway looking at her clipboard for the past 15 minutes:

The doctor has been ready for 15 minutes but I’m not gonna tell you for another hour and there’s nothing you can do about it. Who’s laughing now, Karen?


Karen:

How dare they make me wait?! I’m going to have to speak to a manager!


The very insightful person to your right:

Why is the person to my left laughing so hard? They must be reading something really funny. I bet it was written by someone super cool and pretty and smart and funny and charismatic and popular and not at all arrogant.


The person who came an hour before her appointment to get the best seat in the waiting room: If I stare at my phone and pretend to type and laugh periodically everyone will think I have friends and that I’m not just looking at a black screen.