You Hamsters Alright?

By Addy Chee-Wong

Every year, millions of hamsters die or go missing. Statements continue to grow, consisting yearly of “I found my lost hamster a week later, 2 miles away” or the popular “I let my hamster out to play, and he ran straight for the fireplace!” We’ve all been there. We’re left with hamster trauma, broken hearts, and money spent - and for what? Nibbles to die, get resurrected by the sun and a bag of rice, then die again because the temperature was one degree more? Celsius or Fahrenheit users, regardless, we are all in this problem together (you too Kelvins - you weirdos).

Our visual tracker, titled the “You Hamsters Alright?” ensures your hamster stays put. Its groundbreaking technology logs its behaviour, provides therapy for the vulnerable, and sends notifications straight to your iPod Pro Nintendo Double A Max Plus if the hamster has gone missing and its last traces. Examples like “Cinnamon ran west in a hurry, huffing ‘too many darn brown pellets' on her way out. She left 5 seconds ago! Run!!” or “Brown sugar chitter chattered or whatever noises rodents make (you get it) ‘I hate it here’ and dug down with a mighty fury - possibly in the direction of nearby fireplaces and/or large dogs - stay strong and safe out there for his pursuit back home”.

You got it, we’ll secure it (however, we only know where your hamster is within an 8x11 inch frame - but a very CLEAR 8x11 inch frame :D).

Any takers… sharks?