-Your Least Favorite Employee

By Elicia Bikhazi-Green

*Creaaaak*

The kitchen back door flutters open, I become alert.

Thump, thump.

Two footsteps, knowing who’s coming, my heart drops with each one.

BANG!

The door slams shut. I feel its presence in the building. My body immediately responds; short breaths, tremoring hands, a sense of panic.

In walks an insipid, ferocious, cruel, predatory monster. Demeaning, belittling, rude, condescending; all extreme, slightly varying adjectives that cannot quite articulate his awful demeanor.

He is simply crushing. He strips you of your confidence, dignity, and any sense of pride you had in yourself before meeting him. It is difficult to really describe the extent of terror he installs upon poor, naive, part time-working teenagers. .

“He,” this terrifying entity of anger, is Mr. Manager. Well, he is supposed to be Mr. Manager. Although, he does not quite fulfill the nobility of this title. Rather, he abuses his power, as well as his employees.

He’s a mean one, Mr, Manager. He's impossible to escape. Through manipulation and toxicity, he creates a sense of entrapment. He convinces you to stay, to obey. One year, I gave him. A whole 365 days, 8760 hours, 525,600 minutes I let him torture me. But no longer. On March 3rd, 2024, I did what no one thought I had the dignity to do; I quit.

So farewell, Mr. Monster—Manager, I mean. I will not miss you. I cannot emphasize that fact enough. Goodbye, and I hope I never see you again. You no longer occupy the space in my mind that you did before. I am evicting you.

Also Mr. Manager, this is as much a farewell as it is an announcement of victory. I win. You lose. I reclaim my power. I take back every ounce of confidence you stripped from that 16 year old girl you hired. You no longer scare me, intimidate me, patronize me. Nothing can give me back those 525,600 minutes of my life working under a creature like you. However, now I am free, I am moving on, and you are stuck running a sub par boba store for the next thirty years with employees who resent you.

No justice, no apology from you, however, I did achieve subtle revenge through a few petty yet triumphant acts:

Guess what Mr. Manager? I stole 350 of the boba straws on my last shift.

Gotcha- I ever so slightly rearranged every single topping container in the fridge on my last day.

Surprise- I hid every cleaning rag under the back room sink before I left so no one could find them.

I hope this caused you mild inconvenience and frustration. And I hope that inconvenience and frustration follows you through life, sincerely.

I hope you find gum stuck to your favorite pair of shoes. I hope when you go to sleep your pillow is a little too warm for comfort. I hope you lose your TV remote while it is blasting full volume on an annoying channel. Lastly, I hope you find a new career that doesn’t include terrorizing children.

*Creaaaak*

I swing open the door.

Thump, thump.

Two footsteps, my shoulders relax with each one.

BANG!

The door slams shut. I am gone, and I am in fact never coming back to this store... ever again.

With love,

Your least favorite employee.