By Spencer Armon:
As a visionary and dedicated reader of The Milking Cat, it has become brutally evident that the Editor-in-Chief, Ben "Jammin"Elkins, is quite simply no longer fit to run Southeastern Pennsylvania's version of The Onion. With the total lack of "punch-lines" and "an utter lack of context" in many of the newer articles, the quality of submissions is clearly plummeting (with the exception of Noah Stern's weekly riveting articles). This fact, along with the mysterious "resignation" (kidnapping) of Samuel Richard as the Social Media Manager gives ample grounds for the removal of Ben Elkins. In fact, I am so furious about the current goings-on of The Milking Cat that I wrote a poem in ABCB rhyme scheme expressing my displeasure:
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
I spoke with Soslowsky
We're starting a coup
Ben's time has come
The cat is failing
But when I get in charge
It will be smooth sailing
New times are ahead
With Spencer in charge
Noah can stay
Benji is discharged
There will be more to come
Featuring my displeasure
New articles monthly
Noah Stern is a treasure
I took over The Cat
So bid Ben adieu
A change in command
The Cat's started anew
Note: Editor Benjamin Elkins forced me to add this note to the end of the poem or he would prevent it from being published. He claims that The Milking Cat's leadership is staying in charge and there will be no coup. Tyranny.
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