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By Benji Elkins

CHICO, CALIFORNIA 1917 - Five-year-old artist and visionary, Jackson Pollock, has recently installed a new and revolutionary art installation next to his bed: “Wall With Boogers.” Taking almost four months to complete, Pollock labored for hours before, during, and even secretly after bedtime every night, slamming his fingers up his nostrils and then flicking his findings onto the wall adjacent to him, smushing them into the finishing. Many viewers of the art piece often marvel at Pollock’s seemingly random yet meticulous booger placement, and comment on the flowing smears of snot connecting the dried mucus. However, like many of the great artists who were devoid of proper recognition in their time, Pollock’s parents have shown little support for his endeavors. Mr. and Mrs. Pollock have stated that the "constant influx of visitors to our child’s bedroom is disturbing" and that Jackson has also ruined their creme painted wall. Sadly, at press time critics were grieved to hear that Pollock has decided to appease his parents and therefore change his medium of art from his own mucus to simple paint. Many see this change as a jump away from his former abstract impressionism and a step closer to conventionalism.

An underwhelming estimation of what Pollock’s work may look like after his upcoming switch from boogers to paint:

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