Ella Bilu
Nowadays, it feels like if you are not on LinkedIn by your sophomore year of high school, you’re behind. How are you supposed to network with San Francisco start-up founders if you can’t be sending AI generated DMs?
LinkedIn is the pinnacle of social media. For one, you can post photos, reflect career updates, DM people you know and don’t know, and comment superficial phrases like “Congrats on the new job. Let’s get coffee some time,” despite having never met the person in real life. More so, no other social media platform will make you as insecure as LinkedIn. It is only here where you will stumble across the profile of a 15-year-old who has interned with a congressperson, worked in a cancer lab, published a piece in the New York Times, and has a 4.7 (1/674 People) GPA.
So, what are you even doing if you’re not on LinkedIn?! Doesn’t this sound fun?
Joining the platform can be intimidating and discouraging, but if you do it right, you’ll be interning at a Fortune 500 company in no time.
Here are the DOs and DON’Ts of creating a LinkedIn profile in high school.
DO:
Share all of your AP Scores and/or SAT scores
Flex on your stalkers. (Only if you have all 5s and a 1550+ though)
Say You’re Proficient in Any Language You Have Ever Studied on Duolingo
Proficiency has a loose definition anyways…”¿Donde está la biblioteca?,” is probably enough to get you through a Spanish work call with your camera off. Maybe turn your mic off too.
Put Down All 17 of the Non-Profits You Have Founded
Gotta show a passion for community service and leadership!
Include 57 Different Skills
JavaScript, Canva, Public Speaking, Knitting, Ping Pong, CPR, and the list goes on.
Connect with People You Have 1 Mutual With
How else are you supposed to get to 500+ connections fast?
DO NOT:
Make a 2021 Selfie Your Profile Picture
Use AI instead. You’ll look more polished and it’ll show companies your strong understanding of using artificial intelligence.
Browse in Public Mode
Make sure other people cannot see you are looking at their profiles. It comes off as desperate.
Reply to the Automated DMs
Smithington University does not want you, or your 18 different experiences, despite what they may say. They want your money.
Write in Lowercase or be Grammatically Incorrect
LinkedIn is a very serious place and you will only be respected if you write in conventional English. Save the “bless up, 💯, and W in the chat” for TikTok.
Once you create your profile, if you’re interested in further consultation, please reach out to my lawyers to book an appointment with me. Rates currently are: $150 initial down payment and $120 by the hour after that.