By Amelia Ell
Seeking the thrill of deviation but afraid to leave a lasting impact on your final year at school? Fear not! The following list details the top 9 senior prank ideas that no one will notice except for you.
1. Move the desks slightly closer together, forcing your teacher to awkwardly scooch between you in fear of making butt-student contact. Joke's on them. But depending on how good they are at sidestepping, joke's on you too.
2. Switch the decaf and strong brew coffee in the staff room. Everyone has two sides to them: the one that can’t take a drop of caffeine without bouncing off the walls and the one that can’t live without it. The thing is, you only ever see one of them at a time. This is a chance to meet The Science Teacher who hasn’t woken up yet and doesn’t notice his sleeve catching on the bunsen burner or The Gym Teacher when she has enough energy to do those 500 burpees right beside you.
3. Replace the whiteboard markers with permanent markers. Sure, they won’t notice… until your lesson on sexual reproduction in multicellular organisms becomes an eternal classroom fixture. Bonus points if you replace the board cleaner spray with ink too.
4. Make all the doorways a ½ inch thicker and watch as all the tall people and women with hips endure trivial bouts of pain each time they enter the classroom. Thonk. Success.
5. Set the classroom clock a minute or two late just to spite your calc teacher as the very last slideshow of his lesson is mysteriously cut off by the bell. How’s it feel, Mr. Davis? How’s it feel to be the one behind on your calc class? That's what I thought.
6. Add the tiniest bit of lemon juice to the water fountain and a slightly off-putting drop of yellow food coloring so that you can enjoy the mildly concerned expression people will have for about half a second before deciding it’s not really any worse than normal–just different. That’s our goal.
7. Put a warming pack underneath all the chairs in order to make it seem like someone was sitting there just a moment before. Make sure to get the people who are very protective of their seat and be wary of the people who don’t seem to notice anything is wrong at all.
8. Confidently speak absolute gibberish in your English presentation. Your vegetative classmates won't perceive a difference between you, the three people who spoke before you, and the five people speaking after you. They'll probably applaud at precisely the same volume (That's a half-hearted 53db which is about the same degree as someone chewing celery in front of a microphone). It'll be Mr. Cosby who, after a brief internal dramatic monologue, will realize that it's finally time to cut his losses and retire.
9. Look at the fire alarm but don't pull it. Nobody will notice.
So there you have it. A solid list of 9 foolproof senior pranks that will keep your name from going down as one of the most ingenious pranksters in school history. Maybe not #6. That might cause the school board to make a genuinely productive decision regarding water quality. And we wouldn’t want that.