By Benji Elkins:
On this day in history, July 10th, 1776, the Declaration of Dependence was signed by America’s Founding Fathers. After waiting almost a week for King George III’s response to their previous Declaration of Independence, it is noted that many of the founding fathers soon became antsy, with Thomas Jefferson famously declaring, “Jesus Christ guys I f*cked up big time.”
Taking dramatically less time to compose (due to its much shorter length and nervous urgency), on July 4th, those in the Second Continental Congress ratified and sent off the Declaration of Dependence, in apology to King George III.
In Congress July 10th, 1776
The unanimous Declaration of the thirteen united States of America, When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to apologize, and to ask for forgiveness, and let the opposing party know they didn’t really mean what they said a decent respect to the opinions (and glorious sensibility and mercy to the King) declares that they should write an apology letter.
We held those truths to be self evident. No longer. In fact, we were just kinda sorta kidding about it all in the first place. We mean, like, yeah those would be nice, but it’s really whatever you want. Like if you’re willing to give them to us we’ll take them. But, like, it’s up to you. You do you. That is, we mean, you’re the King and we don’t need to tell you what to do. So we’re not. At all. In fact, like, you can still tell us what to do. If you want. We’d rather you not of course but if you do it’s all good, haha. Know what we sayin’, haha. Never mind. We’re really sorry. Uhh.
We, therefore, the Representatives of the united States of America, in General Congress, Assembled, appealing to the Supreme Judge of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the Name, and by Authority of the good People of these Colonies, solemnly apologize. Like for real. Please.
Unfortunately for the founding fathers, the declaration was lost at sea and never reached King George III, thus prohibiting the possible prevention of the American Revolution.
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